remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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