I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
