there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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