Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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