last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
