I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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