so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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