the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
