New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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