hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
