The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
