My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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