If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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