I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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