One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
