im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
