if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
