Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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