i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
