my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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