His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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