I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
