I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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