Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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