You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
