All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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