A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
