Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would fuck him just for his dog
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
