I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
