so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
