This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
