Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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