I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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