i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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