Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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