Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
