sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
