You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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