make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
