Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
