I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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