I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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