It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
