Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
