A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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