i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
