morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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