So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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