question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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