hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
