Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
