I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
