I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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