we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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