I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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